What's next?

Nothing much to share just yet. I have an appointment November 5th with my doctor to check in and hopefully come up with a game plan for making me a mommy. Besides that I am taking this opportunity to make another attempt at dropping a few pounds before I get pregnant again. The last couple weeks have been fun eating whatever I wanted including multiple containers of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. But those days are gone. I promise to be good and even get some exercise!

Back to (almost) normal

Well it has been almost a week and things are pretty much settling down. I haven't quite let go of my daily habitual Carefree Bodyshape Unscented... you know, but it's really just in case. I haven't even had any pain medication today - ok that is a lie, I took some ibuprofen this morning, but that was really for the sore throat that is threatening my well being. Back to school tomorrow - yuck - I have a 10 page paper due already in two weeks. So that is a little scary. But most thoughts of pregnancy are gone from my mind. The trick is remembering all the other things I am thankful for. It's pretty hard to feel bad when you start listing them off in your mind.... here's my current (rotating) top 5:

1. I have a loving husband
2. I have a job
3. I have a roof over my head
4. I can enjoy a glass of Merlot while I wait for dinner to be ready
5. Did I mention my husband is making me dinner?

Surgery

So now that I'm a little calmer, I'll try to give a little play by play of the last 36 hours or so since my last post. Monday afternoon of course I cried buckets of tears and generally just moped around feeling very sorry for myself. That amount of crying always gives me the worst headache, which was still going strong when I woke up at 7am Tuesday. I'd set my alarm to take my thyroid medicine since they told me to get that down before 8am. After that I couldn't get back to sleep so I rolled around for awhile and finally got up around 8:30 and started to get ready. It was really a miserable morning. First there was the headache, then I wasn't allowed to eat anything so I alternated between feeling like I was starving to death and like I was going to throw up. We headed over to the surgery center a little after 10am (they had moved my surgery up to noon). Sitting in the waiting room I dissolved into tears when I saw the cutest little girl walk by wearing a pink Seahawks jersey with her blonde hair in braids. Ugh. I had my blood drawn (hemogram with platelets) and didn't have to wait too long after that before going back to pre-op.

Everyone was SO nice, including the anesthesiologist, which I was a little surprised about. Usually men in general just don't know how to react, but even he said he was really sorry and actually asked how we were doing with all this. Plus he ordered a couple doses of Fentanyl for my headache while we waited, which was super. I cried again when he told us that he and his wife had 3 losses too but now they have 4 kids. So anyway, I got changed into my hospital gown, answered a million questions about my health history, got my IV put in, got a dose of Fentanyl, went to the bathroom, got another dose of Fentanyl, all the while covered in warm blankets and alternating between chatting with Eric and staring off into space (I was pretty much in la la land at that point). Finally I said goodbye to Eric and they wheeled me back to the operating room. I climbed up on the table and the last thing I remember is the oxygen mask going on.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in recovery. Although waking up probably isn't technically correct because I had only been heavily sedated, not "asleep". It felt like waking up though. I started crying again. Ate some toast, drank some 7-up, used the ladies room, took some pain pills, got dressed, and went home. Natalie brought over some delicious Pho and I spent the rest of the day not moving much, watching 13 going on 30, The Sandlot, and the first season of Friends. I finally dragged myself down to bed around 10:30pm.

So now here I am. I'm still a little loopy in general but my last pain pills were more than 12 hours ago and I don't feel a thing. I guess we'll see how it goes. I know they numbed the area so it might take awhile for that to wear off. Now we begin the long game of waiting to try again. Last time it was exactly 8 weeks from the D&C before my period started again. So that will take us to the first week of December. I'm interested though to see how my cycles pan out now that I'm taking the Synthroid.

I also just want to say how much I appreciate everyone's prayers and everything. It is really encouraging to know people are reading and caring. I hope someday soon I will have some happier news for everyone :)

It's over

The ultrasound showed absolutely no growth from last week. Dr. H said there's no doubt it's over. So I'm having a D&C tomorrow. I check in at 12:30pm.

Random

I had to wake up before 4am today to do a little update on a couple of my servers for work. I'm sitting here bored waiting for it to finish so you're stuck with my early morning thoughts. Maybe being pregnant has triggered our social responsibility - I'm happy to report that as of yesterday Eric and I are both registered to vote! I actually was registered already but now our addresses are current and everything so we'll actually get our ballots in the mail. I haven't watched any debates yet but last night I watched Sarah Palin's VP acceptance speech, and Barack Obama's democratic nomination acceptance speech (I heart On Demand). That's all. No opinions formulated yet, although my readings about the US health care system are starting to make Obama's "change change change" sound pretty good. Now don't get all excited people and freak out, that does not mean I am voting for him. Like I said, I've only just begun my "research." Who knows, I may just write someone in... anyone interested?

Patience

Whew, I made it through the work week. I can't say I really accomplished much... but I made it. Nothing really new to share, still spotting a little but it's tapered off quite a bit. Similar pattern to the last time a month ago. I can't believe it has been a month! This is so surreal. Anyway, just crossing my fingers until Monday. In the meantime I have lots of reading to do for SCHOOL which started up again Tuesday night. I cannot wait to be done with school. This quarter my grade is 30% paper #1, 30% paper #2, 30% presentation on paper #2, and 10% participation. No group work which I am grateful for, I'm not feeling very social right now. And the topic is the US health care system, which is actually quite interesting to me. I'm grateful to have health insurance, especially under the circumstances. I have been thumbing through some medical bills - each ultrasound is billed at around $600 and I've had FOUR this year already, soon to be five. My two D&C bills totaled almost $5000 from the hospital (I paid $125). Not to mention 20 or so blood draws at around $65 each. Wowsers. And who knows what it will end up costing to figure out what the heck is wrong with me (or us) in the event of a 3rd loss. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Galations 5:22 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience...