1st picture

Okay, here it is. This is what I look like today, at 9 weeks and 1 day. Really just looks like a food baby at this point, but oh well. I think I look pretty cute. Eric says I do anyway :) I only had to take about 10 pictures before I got one I liked.

By the way it is flippin' HOT in Spokane today. Weather.com says it is 87 degrees but I'm pretty sure it is hotter than that in my house, especially on the 3rd floor where I am right now. Hence, the crop top, which I am LOVING. I bought it several years ago from Victoria's Secret but have hardly ever worn it. I can tell already though it is going to get worn out this summer and I might be in the market for a couple more in the coming summer months. Maybe I should get out of the house for a few minutes and go take a walk by the river before I melt into a puddle.

God has a plan (no, really!)

I just wanted to comment on the kudos about working full time and going to school :)  The timing for this really could not have been any better.  This quarter school has been a breeze!  I'm taking a "pilot" class, so it's completely disorganized and laid back.  My midterm was a 2 page paper (double spaced).  And we are talking about the final being a 5 minute presentation on the topic of my midterm paper.  I have not had to do ANY reading in between classes, aside from the minimal research I did on the midterm.  We did not even have to buy a book!  The only real stress academic-wise was that presentation I did and that was not even for my class or graded at all!   Then, even better, my final quarter will begin during my 12th week so it really shouldn't pick up until I'm well into my 2nd trimester.  And rumor has it I'll have a little more energy by then.  And finally, I will officially graduate at exactly 20 weeks!  So I'll even have some of my pregnancy honeymoon left with no worries about school!  Yahoo, I seriously can't wait!  It has been 3 long years of graduate school and I am DYING to be done, it cannot come fast enough.  But seriously, God really knew what He was doing, as usual I guess.  Sometimes it is so hard to admit that I'm not really in control at all, as much as I like to pretend.

On another note, my day by day book says the baby's eyes are fully developed, but they are on the sides of the baby's head, kind of like a rabbit.  Doesn't that sound creepy?  Hehe.

9 weeks tomorrow!

I am so tired. I have the energy of a ... cat. A very lazy cat. Much like mine. Maybe even less energy than that, I must say since I can hear Max wandering around meowing. I wish I could sleep 18 hours a day like they do. Work would probably frown on that.

Is it too early to start taking pictures of myself? Probably, but I swear I already look like I am about 4 months along, it's ridiculous! I would say it is just remnants from all the beer I was drinking earlier this spring, but honestly my tummy was getting nice and flat there for a few weeks from all the core work I was doing, I was proud. But not anymore! Even when I try to suck it in I am pretty thick around the middle, and my pants are tight. My days in size 10's are over for sure. I am debating whether I should hang on to them for post baby days or just send them to Goodwill and buy new stuff later. I will probably keep them. I have a lot from Express that were not cheap and still fairly new.

I met with HR and my boss this week to get the scoop on leave. With pregnancy disability and FMLA technically I can take up to 18 weeks off (not paid of course). When the time comes I will probably only have about 8 or 9 weeks worth of pay, so we'll see what happens. It is not my desire to go back to work full time anyway so it will be interesting to find out just how much we can really live on.

Well I am going to go force myself to do a little workout DVD with lots of lunges. Got to keep these legs in shape!

Back to work

We had a great Memorial Day weekend at Hell's Gate State Park in Lewiston, Idaho.  We went down on Friday night, camped out, played golf Saturday and Sunday, and came home yesterday tired and dirty.  Camping was interesting… our spot was pretty much as far as it could be from the bathrooms.  Not such a big deal during the day but at 2am when I had to pee it was quite inconvenient.  I told Eric I am not sure how well I will do sleeping in a tent once we get farther along in this adventure.  Usually we take at least one other camping trip over the summer but we'll see about that.  We did scope out some of the little cabins for next year, since I think the tent was a little too cold at night for a little bitty baby.  Travel trailer shopping might also be in our future.  Times are changing!

It doesn't look like much...

But it looks just like it's supposed to!

Everything's perfect

I just had my ultrasound, and we saw the heart beat, and it's the right size, and everything is perfect.  We are so happy and excited and blessed.  The feeling is unbelievable!

Bad dream

I didn't sleep very well last night, probably too anxious about my presentation today and my looming ultrasound (less than 24 hours away now!!).  I dreamed that they did another HCG and it was like 15.  So that's pretty low ;)  Although in my dream it was higher than my last one had been, but not high enough.  Yuck.  I was pretty relieved waking up this morning and realizing that it hadn't actually happened.

I counted and it is almost exactly 100 steps from my desk to the bathroom.  So I'd have to go 100 times a day to get in the recommended 10,000 steps.  That's a bit much, can you imagine?  Talk about chafing!

I am taking the whole afternoon off for the research symposium.  I'll be sitting through 3 other presentations from 1-2pm, then mine is at 2:00pm and then I'll be done.  I suppose I could hang out in Cheney the rest of the day, there is an awards banquet and stuff at 4pm I think but I really don't feel like going.  Even if I thought I was going to win something, I am not going to know anyone except my professor and I am not sure I am up to making small talk with her for 2 hours. :(  Going home and taking a nap sounds like a much better idea.

Thirsty!

Oh, man, the last few days I have had this unquenchable thirst.  It seems like the more liquid I drink, the thirstier I am!  And then of course it has me running to the bathroom about every 30 minutes or so.  On my floor the ladies room is all the way across the building so I am sure putting the miles on just walking there and back 20 times a day.  I should get out my pedometer and see if I get in my 10,000 steps just on trips to the bathroom.

So, we're down to less than 48 hours until my ultrasound.  The anticipation is killing me this week.  I also have this presentation that I have to do tomorrow for the EWU research symposium.  It's kind of funny because on an anxiety scale of 1-10, getting up to do a presentation is pretty much an 11.  But this U/S is putting me at about a 15.  Thank goodness for yoga.  I got this Yoga For Your Pregnancy DVD on Netflix this last week and it is so wonderful.  There is an energizing practice, a relaxing practice, a breathing practice, a meditation practice, and a couple other random things.  They are all really pretty relaxing though and it is so, SO helpful.  I have zero focus at work these days, my mind is always racing, so it's nice to just relax and breathe.  I highly recommend it.

Insurance plan fun

So… I had my ultrasound scheduled for Thursday at 1:45pm at Dr. B's office.  Well they called me this morning to go over the charges with me.  They had discussed with my insurance company, and my dedictible applies, so my responsibility was going to be something like $307.  My deductible is $300 so at first I thought, ok, well whatever.  But then I was thinking about it and that suddenly seemed really high given that at Dr. H's office my ultrasound bills have normally been for like $136 or something like that.  So then I thought, hmmm, maybe I can ask Dr. H to order an ultrasound, and it would be cheaper, and maybe they could even get me in SOONER!  Well, I got my wish…sort of.  Unfortunately I still have to wait until Thursday!  But now it's at 9:30am instead of 1:45pm, which is better anyway because now Eric won't have to be late for work :)  And I won't have to stress about it all morning.  I just won't be able to sleep all night on Wednesday.  OMG I can't wait!  I’m counting down the hours now… 67ish?  And I'm glad I possibly have saved over $150!  That's like, what, 4 boxes of diapers almost? ;)

Crazy Dream

I have been having some pretty wild dreams lately. I can't remember any of them anymore except the one I had last night. I'll have to be better about recording them sooner so they aren't lost forever. Anyway, last night I was dreaming that I worked at Burger King! I was new so I didn't know what to do, and I kept asking people what I was supposed to be doing but they were all ignoring me and the manager was really mean. I was talking to this guy at one point and he said the store was losing so much money they were going to go out of business anyway.

Aside from that, no real exciting news to share. The girls have been hurting SO bad and they are noticeably bigger too. I started wearing a bra to bed and that seems to help with the soreness, I presume because they aren't flopping around so much. I'm going to have to go get one without underwire though, it's not very comfy as it is. I'm a little annoyed that the bear icon on my pregnancy ticker is hovering between 8 and 12 weeks, even though I am only 7 weeks. What's up with that? Yesterday I had a headache in the morning and today it is back. I'm not loving that.

T minus 100 years

Ugh! It is only 7 days until my ultrasound but it might as well be a lifetime. The days, busy as they are, are still crawling by at a glacial pace. I have been trying to think of an excuse to call the doctor and demand we do it already, but I'm coming up with nothing. I'm also endlessly analyzing all my symptoms and comparing this pregnancy to the previous 3. Clearly things are going better as far as I can tell. Ignorance would be bliss but unfortunately I know from my own experience and that of others' that I could still get a horrible disappointment on that little grainy screen, regardless of how "good" things seem. So I do my best to put that out of my mind.

I've started to develop a strange relationship with food. Yesterday I absolutely could not bring myself to eat either of the things in my lunch bag, so I had a roast beast wrap for lunch and for dinner a McDonald's crispy chicken (plain) before I went to class. And a fruit and yogurt parfait. My lunch choices were quiche, and half an enchilada with brown rice and black beans. I ate the enchilada today for lunch and it was delicious but I think quiche might be off the grid for good. Which is a little strange because that too was delicious when I made it this weekend. Also this morning I drank a glass of chocolate milk and shortly thereafter was the closest I have come to throwing up so far. Interesting. Finally iodized salt is going on pretty much everything because my book says most pregnant women don't get enough iodine, especially if they cook exclusively with kosher salt (like I do). Iodine deficiency contributes to thyroid problems.

So that's the latest. Keep praying for me, and for the week to fly by!

T minus 10 days

... until my ultrasound! Yay! Today I felt really sick off and on all day, the worst I've felt so far. I haven't really had a problem eating, it's in between meals.... even when I'm not hungry and not too full. Which could be dangerous, if I just start eating constantly! We looked around and finally found some "real" ginger ale at Huckleberry's so I'm getting ready to try that out.

I got a new pregnancy journal yesterday, it's called Happy Baby, Healthy Mom. I like it a lot better than my What to Expect... one, because it isn't "tainted" with any previous failed pregnancy documentation. And also because it is completely chronological instead of being split up into weird sections (like a whole 9 months of exercise logs all together, followed by 9 months of nutrition logs, etc). So I don't have to keep flipping around. I also bought a book called Husband Coached Childbirth, which I told Eric was my ultimate positive thinking purchase. I'm sure I won't be needing that one for awhile but I started reading it anyway. It is by Dr. Robert Bradley (i.e. the Bradley natural childbirth method) and let me just tell you, whoa, so overwhelming. More on that subject later. We also bought the Dude's Guide to Pregnancy, which I think Eric must be reading right now because it's really quiet and every once in awhile I hear him giggling.

Last but not least, no more spotting! Seriously, not a drop today. W00t!

Yay, 6 weeks!

So I had some more weirdness today, still spotting but then also some dark flecks of something more solid like, EW.  So that freaked me out enough to call up Dr. H and talk to the nurse.  Interestingly enough she was pregnant too and has the exact same date of her last period as me.  She said she's also been having the same symptoms and has a similar history so she's been a crazy lunatic around the office.  That made me feel better.  Anyway, she said sometimes the blood kind of clumps up and sticks together and as long as it's still brown it's probably fine.  She said if it would make me feel better she'd order up another HCG, stat, so I took her up on that.  I just got the results back (already!) and it's up to 14,533.  So if my HCG was exactly doubling every 48 hours then that is just about right.  She said right about this time the HCG starts to taper off so doing any more would probably worry me even more.  So that's it.  Now I REALLY have to wait unless I kick and scream and insist on having an ultrasound.  But the last thing I want is to have an U/S too early, not see a heartbeat, and then have to sweat about that for another week before they can do another one.  So I'm happy now.

Positive thoughts

Around 1pm I finally got tired of waiting and called Dr. B's office again to make sure they had gotten my message. I got the distinct impression they hadn't. Anyway, they transferred me to a PA, who took my message and then amazingly enough Dr. B himself returned my call just a few minutes later. I told him what was going on and he pretty much told me exactly what I did not want to hear. If it's gonna happen there's nothing we can do, it could be a false alarm, it's too early to do an ultrasound, just try to stay positive and not do anything too strenuous. For two weeks. ARGGGHHH! He said my blood work was great, my hormones were doing what they were supposed to, my progesterone was awesome (it was 36 and anything over 10 is good he said) and it could just be nothing. He said we *could* do another blood draw, but even if my levels are still going up I could still have a miscarriage regardless. Which isn't too surprising given what happened last time.

So I am going to just forget about this whole thing and take advantage of the rest of my day off. I have a hair and eyebrow appointment at 2:45pm and a coupon for 20% off my entire Bed Bath and Beyond purchase. That should take my mind off things. Then later when I get home I am going to do some yoga to bring on the positive energy. All the while ignoring the fact that my boobs no longer really hurt. But they do seem bigger. And my right one seems bigger than the left, and that was the one hurting. So maybe they're just done with this growth spurt and gearing up for the next one? LOL let's hope so, and hope they even out on the next go 'round ;)

Laying low

I just want to thank everyone for the encouraging comments, it really makes me feel better.

I stayed home from work today just because I could not bear to sit at my desk all day and stress about this. So much better to stress from the couch while I watch movies, I say. I did call and leave a msg with Dr b's office this morning but I haven't heard back yet.  Things are about the same down there - brownish spotting that comes and goes it seems.  I am trying to drink lots of water and concentrate on my free Starz subscription for now.

Thanks,
Amanda

Warning - this is gross

I don't know why I feel the need to continually apologize for the graphic nature of this blog, you guys should know by now what you are in for.  Anyway, I'm sorry, I really am, but it has to be documented.  And for some reason the more excruciating detail, the better I feel.  So if you have the stomach, read on...

Starting on Saturday I noticed a teeny tiny bit of spotting.  Very light colored, not red or even pink at all, but definitely there.  A little more after Bloomsday but still not enough to really make me worry and then next to nothing… until today.  :(  About 4:00 I went to the bathroom and *GASP* (that's the sound I made to myself), a LOT more, same color but maybe a shade darker.  So I go into panic mode and speed dial my Dr. H (they are MUCH quicker at calling back than Dr. B).  Mary Lou calls back and says not to worry, it's "old" and maybe I just broke a little blood vessel or something and this is the aftermath (maybe Bloomsday was overkill?).  On a side note I am suddenly really dizzy again as I'm writing this.  She said no sex and no strenuous activity (her example was "heavy" grocery shopping, lol) until it goes away, and drink more water for crying out loud.  That's it.  No rushing to give blood, no ultrasound, nothing.  She said obviously call if anything changes but it doesn't sound worrisome.  I am SO not convinced, this has never, ever ended well for me.  How am I supposed to stay positive when I just get the same old crap every time?  Not to mention this is just going to make the next two weeks seem like 10 years.

I am debating whether I will call Dr. B in the morning.

Twiddle twiddle

Here we go again with the waiting. I am still waiting on progesterone results from last Wednesday but I am not really all that concerned about that. And there's nothing else to be done except wait for my ultrasound on the 21st. Nothing is going to make that come faster except for bleeding and we DON'T want that. So again God is teaching me a lesson in patience. The time is CRAWLING by every day at work. I have too much free time to analyze all my symptoms...

I felt sick a lot today. I got a decaf latte this morning and that made me sick. My lunch made me sick and a little dizzy. And then I felt sick this afternoon just drinking water. Bleh. Bigelow Decaf Apple Cinnamon tea sucks by the way. Marci gave me some sweet and spicy tea from Good Earth to try so I will have to remember to bring that tomorrow since I ran out of my Vanilla Chai. Also my right boob is sore and my left one isn't. Just in case you were wondering.

Yeahhhhh!!!!

Dr.'s office just called and my HCG was one thousand, five hundred…. And then fireworks started going off in my head and I didn't hear the last two digits. But yay, yay, yay, that is more than double! I can breathe now.

Caffeine FREE

Friday was my last little bit of coffee.  I definitely had a headache yesterday afternoon but it doesn't seem to have followed me to today at all, yay! 

I did not sleep very well at all last night, which is unusual.  Maybe just because I was drinking so much water yesterday after Bloomsday (7.46 mile fun "run" in Spokane).  Natalie and I finished in 2 hours, 17 minutes which was a pretty solid 18:30 mile.  Not the greatest but actually faster than last year.  I got a teeny bit dizzy just before the race started but otherwise I felt awesome.  My hips and knees are a little sore today but not so much that it bothers me or I feel like I need to take anything for it.

I have been waiting (impatiently) all day for Friday's lab results.  Nothing yet.  I called the office and they said if they haven't heard by now they probably aren't ready yet and I should call back tomorrow.  I told them that on Friday they had to call the lab to get them and they were in fact ready but just hadn't been sent.  I told the nurse I was really anxious so would she please try calling.  She didn't sound happy about that but she said she would.  Geez!  Don't these people realize what these HCG numbers mean to me?  So now I'm really on the edge of my seat.

LHS T shirt blanket

Beautiful day so far

I went to bed last night at 10pm and did not wake up until about 7:45am. What a wonderful feeling. This was even more amazing because I am on call this weekend and I don't remember the last time I did not get an early (and I'm talking EARLY, like 3-4am) morning call from the helpdesk about some random issue. I thank God for that, I needed a good 10 hour stretch of z's. I got up to take my thyroid medicine and then I did get a couple of no brainer calls from work. Eric and I watched Survivor and then I played about a hundred games of Bejeweled trying to beat Natalie's high score (drat, failure!). When I finally got up from the couch I got a serious dizzy spell, like I had to stop and hold on to the couch for a minute before I could keep walking. That was pretty weird. I looked it up and apparently it is fairly normal, especially in the first trimester. But it's something new for me. I still feel a little woozy and sick to my stomach too, but not like I'm going to fall out of my chair. Whew, might have to really take it easy today, since tomorrow I am scheduled to walk 7.46 miles in Bloomsday. We'll see how I do in the shower. I'd really hate to bail on Bloomsday, I need to keep collecting shirts so I can make a blanket in about 12 years ;) You guys should see this AWESOME blanket I made with all my old LHS shirts. Mandy, you especially would appreciate it... I might have to post a picture.

Hcg

So far I am at 654 (from Wednesday afternoon).  That is lower than I thought it would be but higher than last time.  Just to recap, last time I was at 968 at 6 & 1/2 (ish) weeks.  I don't really have any basis for thinking it would be higher, maybe just that my boobs are already sore.  But anyway I am pretty happy with that result.  I forgot to ask what my progesterone was :(

Thanks,
Amanda

Just when you thought it was safe

I have been slowly cutting back on the caffeine and as of yesterday I was down to about 1/4 of a cup of coffee in the mornings and I was doing pretty good.  But this morning I have just the tiniest hint of a headache, yuck.  So I'm not ready to quit completely just yet.  ALMOST!  Maybe by next week I will be able to go all decaf.  Boooo!

I just called the office to check on my lab results, but all the medical assistants were busy with other patients, so I left a message.  I also wanted to make sure the order got faxed over for today, because when I was at PAML on Wednesday they said they didn’t get the second one.  It's a weird feeling waiting for my lab results when there's nothing apparently wrong yet.  It's a little less stressful, but I hate having to wait longer!

I guess I better get used to it.  It's going to be a long 3 weeks until that ultrasound!