Never to have known, but to have loved.

After a long few days of my heart wrestling with my mind, my mind won. Eric and I talked about it a lot over the weekend and decided that in the end we trusted that our doctors would not tell us there was no hope unless they were 100% sure there was no hope. Even so, we kept our appointment this morning and reviewed all of our concerns again with Natalia. She assured us that she does not take this stuff lightly and if she had any doubts she would not hesitate to order another ultrasound. But she had reviewed my ultrasounds multiple times with Dr. H and they both agreed that this one was definitely not meant to be. I told her that taking the medication at home was not something I wanted to try. My first miscarriage was at home and it was horrible and traumatic and then I ended up having to have a d&c anyway. So that was it, I am checking in tomorrow at 7am with my mind relatively at ease. And by 'relatively' I just mean that no matter what, the situation sucks obviously. I'm determined to make the best of it though. For starters, as soon as I'm up to it I plan on starting some rigorous training for Bloomsday. And thankfully I have a little 24.6lb whirling dervish running around at home to remind me that my body really DOES know what to do, when it feels like cooperating.