Still 6 weeks :(

My head is spinning a little and starting to ache from all the crying that's gone on this afternoon. My 2nd ultrasound was today and it was not good news. It looked a lot different to me this week. Less blob like, more cashew like. But the technician said it was still measuring 6 weeks with no heart beat and she said that's not a good sign. So we went in to see my provider who said she was sorry and that she said she wanted to give me some medicine to "get things going" if you know what I mean. I was pretty tearful and really confused because of how unsure I was of there being a heart beat last week and if I was still only 6 weeks then maybe it was just too early. I asked if she was sure and so she brought in her computer and went over the two ultrasounds step by step. I don't remember everything in detail but I do know that she said there was a yolk sac, where there wasn't one visible last time. Also that last week's crown-rump length was 3.2mm and this week it was 3.5mm. She also said that last week there was a heart beat and this week there was not, although I could read right on the screen that the U/S report said there "appears" to be cardiac activity. So anyway the bottom line is I was 99.9% crushed but not ready to just cut my losses and move on. I said I wasn't comfortable taking any medication just yet and I wanted to just wait and see what happened. She said she wanted to talk to me on Monday and see how I was feeling. She did say I should stop taking the progesterone. By the way she also mentioned that she had discussed all of this with Dr. H before coming in to talk with me.

The last time I saw a little cashew on that ultrasound screen it was about 15 mm and had a heart beat that I could see with my own eyes. As you can imagine I've done a lot of research on early fetal development and most of what I've found in what I'd call "mainstream" literature says that it's possible to not detect a heart beat when the CRL is less than 5mm. But I've also seen a few recent scientific publications that conclude that the absence of cardiac activity at CRL >= 3.5mm is 100% predictive (of demise).

So that's where we're at. I guess you could say I have my doubts but I am not exactly hopeful. I still don't want to rush into anything and to be honest I'm not excited about the prospect of either a drug induced m/c or a d/c. Yuck. So I am hoping that whatever happens just happens on its own and we can get on with our lives. Ugh. 4 out of 5, seriously?? It does not get any easier.