Seth 15 weeks

Dear Seth,

Today you are 15 weeks old. Last week you drove your Mama crazy when for 4 straight days you refused to take a nap for more than 30 minutes at a stretch no matter what I did. By the weekend I realized you must have been going through a growth spurt because you were also wanting to eat every 2 hours instead of your usual 3ish. Of course it all makes sense now but at the time I didn't put 2 and 2 together. Silly mommy. You seem to have settled back into a better rhythm and today all three of your naps were over an hour long.

Tomorrow we embark on our first mother-son road trip. We are heading out to the river to spend the night at Grandpa's house and then on Thursday we are leaving to go to Edmonton to visit Grandpa's family. Thankfully Grandpa's getting old these days and so he only wants to drive halfway each day, phew! I am not sure how well you would handle 10 hours in the car seat. Anyway, your great-grandpa is turning 95 so there will be a big party and lots of new faces.

Your daddy really has an eye for baby toys, I tell you what. This weekend he picked out a new rattle for you and it has been a big hit. When we shake it in your face your eyes almost cross in fascination and you look so funny. You grip it really well and into your mouth it goes. Anyway, you haven't gotten the hang of shaking the rattle yet - you kind of did once this morning but I am pretty sure it was an accident. It was more like you were just flailing around and you happened to be gripping the rattle at the time. It's so fun to put stuff in your hands to see what happens. Everything that gets near your mouth would go in if you had your way about it. You even try to eat mommy and daddy's hand when we're buttoning up your pajamas. But you're like an outfielder who tries to throw the ball in before you've caught it - sometimes you're so intent on putting an object in your mouth you forget to take aim. Today I handed you a wooden spoon and you smacked yourself right in the forehead. I had to laugh and you didn't seem to be bothered by it.

You have really grown quite fond of your pacifier and usually when you see it coming you open your mouth and shake your head back and forth like a baby bird. I don't really mind because it is extremely effective in calming you down and for the most part we only use it for sleepy time or when you are in the car seat. Up until yesterday it would usually fall out of your mouth after about 20 minutes when you would fall asleep... but today you still had it in at the end of an hour and a half nap. Maybe that just means you weren't sleeping very deeply, who knows?

We are still swaddling you because if we don't you just lay there with your arms straight up in the air, waving around. Either that or you're trying to shove your hands in your mouth, knocking the pacifier out in the process. That would be fine if you would ever fall asleep sucking your fingers, but you don't - you just fuss until I put the pacifier back in. I think it is because you're mostly chewing on your fingers these days, not sucking on them. Every once in awhile you'll wiggle your hands up into your face, where they get stuck, and I have to come in and re-wrap you at 4am. But the benefits outweigh the occasional escapes, so a-swaddling we will go for now.

Your rolling over skills are still pretty sporadic although one day last week you rolled over from tummy to back about 5 times in a row. You've started working those abs too and when we sit you up you almost always topple over forward. You leaned over and almost fell right out of the bouncy chair this weekend, so it's a good thing you were buckled in! We're really going to have to keep an eye on you now!

I almost always start this weekly letter to you thinking to myself, hmm, not much new to report. And then I end up rambling on forever. I just want to leave you with this final thought, something my mom said to me a million times: You won't understand until you have kids of your own. Just remember that.

Love, Mama

P.S. You're starting to outgrow the 6 month size clothes you little monster you.

Seth 14 weeks

Dear Seth,

You are 14 weeks old today. There's not a ton of new stuff to report this week, you are just cruising along right on schedule. You aren't really reaching for stuff on purpose (although I can tell you really want to), but you are getting pretty good at sandwiching strategically placed toys between two hands and bringing them to your mouth. You sat in the crib for awhile yesterday afternoon and slobbered all over pretty much everything I could find. You especially liked the small elephant off the play yard mobile. The trunk fit right in your mouth like a furry pacifier and you were super excited about it.

You can hold your head up really well now when you're on your tummy. Not for long, but when you do it is good and steady. I think you're just not that interested in looking around, your hands are entertaining enough. You love to stare at your hands and feet. When I prop you up sitting on the couch you will move your feet back and forth and watch them in fascination for what seems like a long time (and for the record, you have really sweaty feet). You also stare at my hands and feet when they are in view.

You smile really big at random times now, and not just when someone smiles at you first. In fact, lots of times you'll smile and laugh the most when you're really tired. And I am pretty sure I've gotten some of the biggest smiles ever when I'm up feeding you at 3am. You've perfected the screech now and you do it when you're bored or frustrated. You get frustrated quite a bit I think as your motor skills haven't caught up with your brain. There's a lot of stuff you know can be done but you just can't quite figure out how. Patience, grasshopper, my ears will thank you later and when you're an adult you won't have to make fun of me because I'm going deaf.

Wow, I thought I didn't have much to say, but now look I have rambled on for quite awhile. I guess I just really love ya kiddo! Until next week...

Love, Mama

My new normal

Lots of people told me after I had a baby things wouldn't go back to normal, but that I'd arrive at a new normal. I don't think I'm quite there yet. I guess in a way I am glad because my normal is about to change again very soon. I'm going back to work on May 26th, in 5 weeks. That would seem like a long time to me normally, but not when I think about how I had Seth 14 weeks ago. Anyway, I'll be working 7:30am-12:30pm, Monday thru Friday. I'm beginning to wrap my mind around all the ways my life still has to change in order to accommodate just 25 hours a week. First of all, I'm going to have to start being on time. *gulp* I've never really had to worry about being on time to work, at least since I've had a "real" job. In fact, much to my husband's chagrin, I've never really worried too much about being on time to anything. As far as work is concerned, I used to be able to just work through lunch or stay late when I wandered in the door at 8:30am or later. Not so anymore since not only will Eric be waiting for me to arrive home so he can get ready and leave for work, but even more important, Seth will probably be waiting for me to feed him. Ugh, so in order to be on time, I'm going to have to start getting up a lot earlier to account for the inevitable SNAFUs related to getting Seth up and changed and fed before I leave. I'm going to have to be on a SCHEDULE! Oh my goodness, my wild and free fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants days are really over now. Ah well, time to grow up I suppose.

All in all I am extremely fortunate and grateful that I'm being allowed to come back part time. My checking account is grateful too.

Gone with the wind...

My mom had commented that Seth's pictures with the monkey are better than a growth chart, so I think I'll keep up the tradition of taking his weekly picture like that. I started putting together a collection on my Eachday site so you can quickly scroll through them all. Unfortunately I didn't take one like that until he was 9 weeks old, and I skipped week 11 for some reason... anyway, it hit me all of a sudden -- I will never get those weeks back. *Sniff* His little newborn days are gone forever. So many people have told me "don't blink, it goes by so fast", and it's true. It really makes me think (and feel a little guilty) about how much I always look forward to the weekend so I can get a little reprieve. What a battle between the mind numbing exhaustion and the desire to really soak in every little moment and not take these days for granted. Welcome to motherhood I guess.

Speaking of exhaustion (and motherhood)... I've been really struggling with the sleep deprivation. And not totally because Seth is waking up at all hours, but because I simply cannot put myself to sleep. I will put Seth to bed and then go to bed myself. He sleeps peacefully for the next several hours while I toss and turn - for hours. Then he wakes up to eat shortly after I finally drift off. Then he goes back to sleep and I toss and turn for a few more hours. Then he wakes up to eat.... and on and on it goes. So I've been getting maybe 3 or 4 hours a night, even though he sleeps for like 12 hours. And I don't even bother trying to nap when he naps, because he usually only sleeps for about an hour. As I get more and more tired each day, it gets more and more difficult to fall asleep because I'm lying there thinking about how badly I need sleep. In fact, every afternoon I start to dread bedtime because it's so stressful and frustrating to lay there wanting so badly to sleep and not being able to. The worst part about the whole thing is that I have to force myself during the day to put on a happy face for Seth. It's one thing to be tired and have to go to work and deal with your co-workers - who will probably understand if you are a little off because you didn't sleep well. On the other hand, my baby boy just slept great all night and wants to play and smile with mommy. I even thought to myself the other day that Seth probably doesn't like me (as much as Eric) because I'm no fun. :( Crazy, huh? Now, I know that's not true, but those thoughts still cross my mind when I'm so tired I can't see straight.

I'm not trying to complain, so I hope it doesn't come across that way. I guess I'm just documenting, as usual. And venting. I am getting help by the way. I went to the doctor on Tuesday and we've got a plan. As it turns out my thyroid is a little overdosed, which can cause insomnia. So I'm cutting my dose in half for starters. If that doesn't work I guess we'll go from there.

Seth rolled over again today! When I put him back down on his tummy I could almost see the wheels spinning in his head "now how did I do that???"

13 weeks pics (late, I know)

I went a little crazy taking pictures this week, but almost every single one is a keeper. I really giggled as I scrolled through them. Here is a little preview but if you have a minute you should really check out the rest.

Seth 13 weeks

Dear Seth,

You were three months old yesterday, and today you are 13 weeks. Yowsas!

Your eating habits have been all over the board this last week. For a couple of days you seemed to have no appetite at all and I had to practically force you to eat a "full" meal. Then all of a sudden you acted starving all the time again. As of today things seem to have settled down a little so maybe you just went through a growth spurt. Which would make sense, as you seemed to have outgrown most of the 3-6 month clothes overnight (mainly the footed ones). But you are still swimming a little in the 6-9 month clothes. I weighed you the other day and you were 15lbs. Thankfully, it's pretty acceptable for a 3 month old to wear pajamas all the time. I'm pretty partial to the Gerber 3 packs of sleep & plays. On sale I can get you a pair of PJs for like $2. That's nice also because then if they get poo stained I don't feel too bad about throwing them away. So far that's only happened once.

You've "slept through the night" once now. We put you to bed the other night around 9:30pm and you didn't wake up to eat until 5am! Yay! You only did it that one time, but it gives me hope for the future. You still pretty consistently sleep at least one 5 hour stretch, but otherwise your night times have regressed. For awhile there I could put you down to bed a little after 8pm and not hear from you again. Lately you have me running in there 4 or 5 times before you settle down for good. I've read that sometimes when babies learn new daytime skills their sleep habits get disrupted so maybe that's what's going on. The experts say we might be able to stop swaddling you soon. I'm not so sure about that. When you are tired your hands are still usually all over your face, rubbing your eyes and pulling the pacifier out of your mouth. I think the real trick is putting you down for a nap right before you look tired. So basically I should have ESP.

You suddenly learned to grab stuff this week. When you're laying on your play mat and there is a toy hanging within reach, mostly you just bat it around like a tiny piñata, but occasionally you'll grab right on and in the mouth it goes. You LOVE that play mat... sometimes I feel a little guilty for letting you spend so much time there. But sometimes NOTHING else will make you happy. All I have to do is rotate the dangling toys every 10 minutes or so and you're happy as a clam in mud. So you're getting a little bald spot on the back of your head. Sorry about that. You haven't rolled over again since that one day last week. When I set you down on your tummy sometimes you'll flop over onto your side, but there you stay, sucking on your fist. You also discovered your thumb this last weekend, and spent a good chunk of time chewing and sucking on it on Sunday. I haven't really seen it in your mouth since then so you must have lost interest or forgot about it. Anyway, after concluding my research, I've decided that I don't care if you do suck your thumb. So suck away! Just as long as you're not still sucking it when I drop you off down in Pullman for college.

Another thing you seem to enjoy is your reflection. Which is nice because I can sit you on the bathroom counter in the Bumbo and you stay quite amused while I blow dry my hair. You are completely unaffected by the hair dryer. That and the vacuum cleaner. You will sit very contentedly and watch me vacuum, one of the only chores I manage to get done while you are awake. Lately though, watching me eat seems very intriguing to you as well. Your eyes followed my hand very carefully today while I ate my lunch. I can't WAIT to give you some real food, I think you're really going to like it! Only 3 more months!

This weekend I ordered Baby Signing Time and I'm so excited for us to watch it together! I think you're going to pick it up really fast and before we know it you'll be signing "Mom more milk NOW" all the time. That's my little piggy!

Love, Mama

...and the little one said "Roll over, roll over"

Seth rolled over today! It was so awesome! I don't think he meant to, really, but he did do it twice in a row. The last couple of days he's been holding his head up really well when you set him down on his elbows, and today he just dropped one shoulder and rolled right over. Eric and I gave him a huge cheer and he seemed so surprised. I set him down again and he did it one more time. After that he was like, "no, thanks." Yay! I also noticed just today he's starting to grope his toys a little bit. The look of concentration on his face is priceless.

So after seeing the pictures from Easter I suddenly got motivated to lose the rest of my baby weight. It hit me that I do have to go back to work eventually, and I can't really fit into my non-maternity work clothes right now. Off it must come because I'm not, I repeat, not going up a size. I suppose I could probably get away with wearing maternity for awhile but I'd really like to dig back into my normal clothes, I miss them. So I got on the elliptical again today AND took Seth on a 2 mile walk in the stroller. Whew! I also registered for Race for the Cure, which is a 5K next weekend in Spokane. I'll be walking, of course. Can you believe they make you pay (*ahem* - I mean donate) an extra $5 for a kid in a stroller? Lame-O. Anyway, it looks like May 26th is going to be my first day back at work, so that gives me exactly 7 weeks to lose 15 lbs. Ultimately I'd like to lose more than that, but that's all I really need for now. Ugh. Work. Just thinking about it makes me a little sick to my stomach. Too bad baby smiles don't pay the bills.

Seth 12 weeks old

Dear Seth,

Today you are 12 weeks old and the squealing has officially begun. Just in the last few days you have really started experimenting with your vocal cords. I try not to pay too much attention because while it's cute now, at home... it won't be that cute when we're out in public places.

Your chubby little cheeks are getting all cracked and dry like the Sahara desert - that is, when they are not covered in slobber. You seem determined to fit both hands in your mouth at the same time, and you spend about 50% of your time working toward that goal. So your hands are getting quite dry and rashy as well.

You are really starting to work those little legs. During bath time you lay on your little sling and kick your feet furiously, splashing everywhere. You've also started making diaper changes a little complicated - you're either kicking like mad, or stiffening your legs like little tree trunks. You love to stand up, and I can pull you up to a standing position now by your hands if you're not too tired or crabby. Tummy time still isn't your favorite but you can now rest on your elbows and look almost straight ahead, but only if you're in the mood. The rest of the time you just plop your face down on your fist and suck suck suck.

This last weekend we took you out to Red Robin for an early dinner. You were in awe of all there was to look at and sat very quietly on my lap almost the whole time. When you started to fuss a little, you went to sit on Daddy's lap across from me for a change of scenery. Before long I noticed something had caught your eye and when I followed your gaze I found you were staring very intently up at... the TV.


Like father, like son.

You do love to watch the TV and I have taken to turning it off when you're in the room because obviously you're too young for that! Mommy watches too much TV anyway so you're a good influence I guess.

Time really does fly, little man. Soon you'll be running around grabbing the cats' tails and stuff like that. Not that I'd blame you, it will just be payback for the times when Max has used you for a launch pad on his way up to the window sill. Anyway, I've really enjoyed the last 12 weeks and look forward to things to come.

Love, Mama

Big boy bed

Well Seth officially slept in his crib all night the last two nights. *sniff* We'd been slowly putting him in there more and more, and finally he is now spending the whole night there. Truth be told, I think we are both sleeping better this way. He still wakes up around 3:30-4am for a meal, but his room is right next door to ours. With both doors open I don't even need the baby monitor to hear when he is truly awake. But when he's not in the room I am not awakened or kept awake by every little sound he makes or breath he takes. And in fact, yesterday morning I heard him wake up, and he whined for a couple of minutes, and then just started babbling. I went in after a few minutes and he was just in there talking to his monkey mobile. When he saw me he got really excited and smiled. Be still my heart!