My mom had commented that Seth's pictures with the monkey are better than a growth chart, so I think I'll keep up the tradition of taking his weekly picture like that. I started putting together a collection on my Eachday site so you can quickly scroll through them all. Unfortunately I didn't take one like that until he was 9 weeks old, and I skipped week 11 for some reason... anyway, it hit me all of a sudden -- I will never get those weeks back. *Sniff* His little newborn days are gone forever. So many people have told me "don't blink, it goes by so fast", and it's true. It really makes me think (and feel a little guilty) about how much I always look forward to the weekend so I can get a little reprieve. What a battle between the mind numbing exhaustion and the desire to really soak in every little moment and not take these days for granted. Welcome to motherhood I guess.
Speaking of exhaustion (and motherhood)... I've been really struggling with the sleep deprivation. And not totally because Seth is waking up at all hours, but because I simply cannot put myself to sleep. I will put Seth to bed and then go to bed myself. He sleeps peacefully for the next several hours while I toss and turn - for hours. Then he wakes up to eat shortly after I finally drift off. Then he goes back to sleep and I toss and turn for a few more hours. Then he wakes up to eat.... and on and on it goes. So I've been getting maybe 3 or 4 hours a night, even though he sleeps for like 12 hours. And I don't even bother trying to nap when he naps, because he usually only sleeps for about an hour. As I get more and more tired each day, it gets more and more difficult to fall asleep because I'm lying there thinking about how badly I need sleep. In fact, every afternoon I start to dread bedtime because it's so stressful and frustrating to lay there wanting so badly to sleep and not being able to. The worst part about the whole thing is that I have to force myself during the day to put on a happy face for Seth. It's one thing to be tired and have to go to work and deal with your co-workers - who will probably understand if you are a little off because you didn't sleep well. On the other hand, my baby boy just slept great all night and wants to play and smile with mommy. I even thought to myself the other day that Seth probably doesn't like me (as much as Eric) because I'm no fun. :( Crazy, huh? Now, I know that's not true, but those thoughts still cross my mind when I'm so tired I can't see straight.
I'm not trying to complain, so I hope it doesn't come across that way. I guess I'm just documenting, as usual. And venting. I am getting help by the way. I went to the doctor on Tuesday and we've got a plan. As it turns out my thyroid is a little overdosed, which can cause insomnia. So I'm cutting my dose in half for starters. If that doesn't work I guess we'll go from there.
Seth rolled over again today! When I put him back down on his tummy I could almost see the wheels spinning in his head "now how did I do that???"
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